The Difficult Things of Life

This week I had to face up to one of the difficult things of life. My husband and I went to the cemetary and ordered my father's grave marker. Actually the VA had sent a marker so I just had a few decisions to make but it was still hard. There I sat with a very compassionate lady and my husband and I felt as though my mind just wouldn't function properly. It's been 3 1/2 months since my dad's death and yet I still get this paralyzing thing that happens when I need to make decisions. Mostly my husband has been handling things and helping with decisions, frankly I don't know how I would have managed without him. We've decided on a joint marker to be shared with my mother. Mom is still here, in fact, she's just had her 95th birthday party. Communication with her is difficult because of hearing and sight loss. But we finally made the decisions and got her approval on the markers for both her and dad.

There's the little girl inside of me that just doesn't want to handle these things. But as a loving daughter I know it's a duty that must be performed. My father died just before his 90th birthday. He was active right up until the month before his death. He lived a long and blessed life. He did whatever he could to prepare paperwork etc for us, but there is so much to do. I think it's those phone calls that have to be made explaining that he's passed on that can be most difficult. Perhaps it's because I must actually say it out loud that he's gone.

My birthday is in 2 weeks. He prepared a card for me, knowing that he wasn't 'long for this earth' as he called it. The sad thing is that I've put that card somewhere and can't locate it. It seems that in the last 3 1/2 months I've misplaced a lot of things. I find them, then I misplace them again. So I feel that eventually I will find that card that he got ready for my birthday. In the end he was just trying to wrap things up here on earth before he moved on. It's the comfort that I have knowing that he's with his mama, papa and loving sister now that helps when the grief tries to overwhelm me.

His mother died when he was a teenager, his father when he was in his thirties and his sister 30 years ago. Dad spent a good portion of his life longing for the companionship of his family. In his last days when he could still speak and be understood he had visions of his sister and then one where he was just talking to his mother. This gives me comfort.

As I've lived thru the events of the past few months I know it's going to be repeated in the not too distant future when it's my mother's turn to return home.

Yes there are things that we must face up in life that we'd prefer to postpone. I'll feel better when I visit Dad's grave and see things looking proper. Today I'm just glad that the hard decisions have been made and that there don't seem to be anymore decisions to make in the near future.